Five years ago I wrote an introduction in attempt to start a blog – and to stifle the melancholy – of my life. In part, I was inspired as I replayed Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles. The game’s imagery, sounds, and story of collecting small memories made me realize that I could not wield my own memories as vibrant weapons to vanquish evil (the game’s finale). Honestly, the years have gone by far too quickly and apart from the events that I have written down or captured via photography, my memories are far and few in between – far from the life I actually want to live.
I’m Not Who I Was
Now, after all of these years, I ask myself rhetorically: Am I the same person I was? If not, do I still have the capacity to be the same person I was? Do I want to be? Even now, I still struggle with issues of identity, issues of purpose, issues of belonging, and even issues of despair. My life ebbs and flows between flourishing and languishing. However, the past year and a half has been incredibly transformational in my life and I have learned so many things, especially the realms of self awareness and relationships. But what I have in experience and knowledge, I still lack in principles and belief.
I know that it is a choice to be flourishing or languishing. We can choose to see the world a different way and get a different perspective. We can choose what we are focusing on and we can choose to get out of our heads. We can work toward gratitude. We can find better environments for us to grow. And we can take steps to resolve our inner issues instead of letting ourselves be subject to them in an unhealthy way. We need to learn to fight and become, rather than just desire and want things to be different. And we need to fight with an open heart with our enemy behind us rather than cowering as if it is in front of us ready to deliver defeat.
So where have I been the past 5 years? Getting to where I am today. And while I might revisit my old self in times of melancholy, I can know and have to remember that there is a greater purpose and a greater existence than that of my narrow focus and imagination. There is a world of life not only out there, but within me. It is my duty to externalize that life and reflect the goodness that I see with a purity of heart. It’s time to start living out loud. That is my task, and my joy, and my journey toward a less self-centered life.