Songs: Search Me O Lord

If you were to write your own songs, would they reflect your soul? When I first heard Jessica’s original songs, I could tell that her songs reflected her soul and her lifelong relationship with God. Her songs have a unique energy and pace to them. Her music is refreshing and upbeat. She wants all her life to reflect her heart, energy, and God, and her music is no different. She sings about the struggle of human life and the journey, relationship, and meaning found with God. God saves us and in Him we find refuge. Nothing else in this life can deliver. Find our place in God! This basic and simple message is her anthem, and her songs and life help us remember it. What a gift that is!

Search Me O Lord

Search me, O Lord, and know my heart; test me [O God] and know my [anxious] thoughts. Reveal in me, Lord, any offensive way, and lead me in your ways. Psalm 139:23-24 (Jessica Holt lyric)

Out of Denial

God is with you in everything – even when you exclude Him and leave Him out of your life. We so easily deceive ourselves when we think our presence, our thoughts, our experiences, our actions, and our heart are hidden from God. This is not the case; we simply feel that we exclude God because we block Him out of our perception and awareness. But God is not mocked; it is us who live in darkness and in darkened understanding and relationship.

When we choose to operate in our own strength and block Him out of our mind, we quench His and even our own spirit using the power of our soul and self. When we do so, we think we are alone. But is that true? No. We are not on our own – we make a spiritual choice. We either sow to a spirit or sow to the flesh. Such is the nature of being tri-une being made in the image of God – with parts soul, spirit, and body. In our chosen independence, we live for our selves in selfishness, guided by our own understanding and contempt for God. We dangerously can bind to sinful spirits or the natural realm of the addictive self and the seductive world; each of these lack the full revelation of God and we do not include God or His life-giving truth in enlightened awareness of our choices and reasonings. We think we know best and can govern our selves. We think we can determine good and evil. We gravely believe that we can explore our own means for life as if we can forge a path of life through the fallen destruction of the world and even through our corrupted sinful nature.

But this is folly. God is the Word. God is the supreme righteous life set before us! He has already judged the world and His manifestations of truth and absolute wisdom are on display to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms – God’s way is the everlasting way and none other can compare. When we believe anything else, we deceive our selves. We cease to be pure children of God. We feel the exclusion of God because we do not let Him operate in or with us. And yet, while we exclude Him, He is still with us.

God’s Divine Way and Mission

When we do not acknowledge His presence, we make ourselves or prove ourselves the lord of our own life in our acts of self sufficiency, freedom, and choice. God allows this! He actually wants us to be free and to choose our life! Love and true relationship cannot exist without choice. It is through knowing God and finding wholeness and relationship with Him as a son or daughter that we learn to give up our self sufficiency through including God in everything and learning to love and acknowledge His ways! Why and how do we learn this? By experience and by revelation. When we sow to the flesh, or any other spirit other than to our own spirit alivened in relationship with God, we sow unto death. God’s way is the purest, and in Him, the divine truth, there is no darkness. Choosing anything less than the most admirable and loving avenue is to sin – to miss the mark – of what we could be or what we could choose. We should pursue Godliness and what God calls and empowers us to be by His example. Anything less is a travesty, and to love God is to be tender to our sin of choosing anything but love. To love God is to be in love not only with Him but His ways. So, we must be embraced by God, repent and forgive ourselves for not choosing love, and then focus on Him entirely for abundant spiritual life.

When we repent of excluding God and blocking Him out of our consciousness, we have a tendency to think that we need to confess and share everything we have left Him out of. But God is and was always there. Thus, confession isn’t a process of informing God what we have experienced, felt, thought, or did; rather, confession is getting honest with ourselves before God, telling Him what we have done so we ourselves can hear it, get out of denial, break down the walls and separation we have put up in our mind, choices, and heart, and to allow our heart to soften in this honesty and to start the process of restoration, correction, and comfort with our Holy Father.

Authentic Relationship

This is a prayer that can change your life. It helps forge your personal relationship with God and acknowledges that He knows your heart, all your thoughts, and is to guide and shepherd you out of your own standards and thinking into the divine standard for life.

Those who are living in sin or unrighteously should be anxious when they ask this of God! He will then say, “Why are you anxious as you ask me to cleanse you and move you on the path of doing my Good?” Often, we can shrink in fear of the change or having fault found in us. Such fear reveals that we don’t know the glory of God. If we prefer to live in our own ways and often not obey our conscience because it is our choice, then it must be because we don’t know the fullness of God’s abundant life He has for us to live.
God’s way is everlasting, think of the divine!


God doesn’t just change us to follow His ways; that is not human. He expects us to know our humanity so we can have deep compassion on all others; it would be too easy to just say a prayer and have it all taken away, for while that may bring glory to God’s power, it does less for the human to know himself, the church, and of the weight of true divine love







Life Is A Test



This song and Psalm asks God to lead us in the everlasting and Godly way. It opens our hearts and intention toward Him. Deep down, we express a desire to look up to heaven and see the light of the way of life with God such that it captivates us in revelation and deep knowledge. We desire to surrender and remove all sin and anything ungodly from our lives by God’s standard, not our own. King David prays this when his own conscious and conduct are clean in his own eyes, yet he stands accused before his enemies. Instead of refuting his enemies, King David asks God to reveal any part of him, known and unknown, that could be at fault or in error, and how to respond in a Godly way as if the fault of the conflict was all his.

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