Songs: What Would I Be Without You?

If you were to write your own songs, would they reflect your soul? When I first heard Jessica’s original songs, I could tell that her songs reflected her soul and her lifelong relationship with God. Her songs have a unique energy and pace to them. Her music is refreshing and upbeat. She wants all her life to reflect her heart, energy, and God, and her music is no different. She sings about the struggle of human life and the journey, relationship, and meaning found with God. God saves us and in Him we find refuge. Nothing else in this life can deliver. Find our place in God! This basic and simple message is her anthem, and her songs and life help us remember it. What a gift that is!

What Would I Be Without You

If Jessica has a hit song, this is one of them that will stand the test of time. This song has groove. This song has powerful truth.

What would I be without you? What am I living for?
What would I be without you? What am I fighting for? (x2)
When I feel tired, so crazy all alone
And I start to doubt everything I’ve known
When my heart gets hard, and I start to look away
Something inside reminds me what you say
I am waiting right here
//Chorus//
I stumble, I fall; the world gets in the way
The darkness hounds me, I don’t know what to say
You speak to my heart, you know my every way
Your still small voice is calling out to me
I am waiting right here
//Chorus//
I’m living for…, I’m fighting for…, I’m crying for…, I’m dying for… (x4)
//Chorus x2//

What is Jessica living for? Jesus.

What would I be without you? What am I living for?
What would I be without you? What am I fighting for?

What I love about this song is that it talks about the difficulty for us as humans to follow Jesus, and this song serves as a truth and reminder of REMEMBERING of what this life is all about and who we are made for. Jesus. The Creator through whom all things were made. As Jessica opens with the chorus, she asks the very questions of humanity: what are we living and fighting for in this life? So, what are we living for?

  1. Significance
  2. Self-acceptance
  3. Purpose

For Christians, we continually need to reflect and remember this question: what would I be without the grace and love of God? Combined, these questions center on the very vulnerability of our existence and our deep and humbling dependence on truth.

When I feel tired, so crazy all alone
And I start to doubt everything I’ve known
When my heart gets hard, and I start to look away

As we follow God for these questions of purpose, significance, and the source of life, God takes us out from all the ways we try and satisfy and fulfill ourselves with everything but God. Anything we try and satisfy our souls with apart from God is idolatry, meaning, we are attempting to complete ourselves by things in this world. The truth is that our souls are made to know God, love God, be guided by God, and receive His perfecting Love.

Our Souls Find Rest In God Alone

Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him. Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1-2

Attempting to satisfy our souls with any desire or appetite, other than for God, will not grant us the abundant and overflowing life that we seek. We should desire to be pure, innocent, mature in faith and life, and lacking nothing apart from the wisdom of God. Such is a measure of abundant life! But this can only be consistently received and accomplished when God is our first love, now and always, far above anything and everything – even our own family and significant others, our own self, and our own meaningful endeavors.

This is a process. It takes time to shift our heart and our worldly dependencies onto God alone. Little by little, piece by piece, we redeem our life and give more and more of our self to God! Such is a beautiful thing, because each time we do the glory of God is revealed more and more. Our hearts are captivated and can begin to resonate more and more awash in God’s love with our eyes and hearts fixed on Him. We begin to believe truth. We begin having deeper experiences with God because He is becoming our sole foundation. Our hearts can finally rest in God, rather than on things in this world or in human love.

A Hardening of Our Heart

Eventually, though our hearts have rested in God, if there is no movement, action, or progressive communion and rest with God, things may start to feel different. Our hiding place in Him no longer has as much comfort and satisfaction. We feel distant or disconnected from Him. And so, we can begin to doubt the answers we have found in God and the process we have relied on. We start to not trust God as we fear for our selves and our heart. When this happens, we naturally divert our hearts attention to things we once gave up – the things in this world. We start to try and fill our souls with those old things. We find satisfaction for awhile. But this isn’t the solution. We might even get mad at God, feeling betrayed and as if it was all false. Jessica says, for her, this happens most readily when she feels tired and all alone. For many of us, human love and companionship is something we can crave with such strong dependence that we try and avoid being alone and vulnerable. This entire process I am describing is a process called a “hardening of our heart”.

A hard heart is one that is not tender to the Gospel. If it once was, the magnificence and saving grace of the Gospel is no longer penetrating the heart as our greatest life and most forgiving message, one of our own redemption and restoration to true life beyond our own means.

A heart is hard if it cannot grieve down to its full depth. A heart is hard if it is like a burdensome stone that cannot be moved and is unassailable from all outside forces. A heart that is hard does not feel or cannot give the fullness of love.

Something inside reminds me what you say
I am waiting right here

Jessica astutely says, “When my heart gets hard, I start to look away”. Most of us don’t even realize this is happening. We simply find ourselves farther from God. We forget our reliance, tenderness, love, and obedience to God and start to wander.

Unless we have a heart check, remember the Lord, and obey our conscience to look to God instead of our selves and our own counsel and independent life, we will be farther from the presence of God. Some never come back to closeness with God because they don’t even know what happened. Others have a renewing and repenting experience with God that ushers them into new glory with Him. And others recognize their hard heart for what it is, and work their way back to God, opening themselves up to trust, reliance, and tenderness.

This is all our journey, and the more we fail, the more we can identify our circumstances for what they are. We can learn from them, and turn around, and create pathways back to God! We can habitually condition ourselves to look to God as soon as we are aware of any sin or self reliance. Additionally, the Holy Spirit can whisper to us in his still-small voice, and if we make a habit to hear from the Holy Spirit each day (and eventually each moment), our conscience will make us aware of our hardened condition and our spirit’s desire to turn back to God. It is up to our hearts and will to obey. If we can’t obey, nor muster up the strength, the best we can hope to do is WAIT RIGHT HERE. If we go anywhere under our own power, we begin the walk in self reliance. However, if we STOP AND WAIT as long as it takes, our heart has a chance to soften and reconnect to God. This simple act of obedience will save our souls and our lives from drifting from God.

I stumble, I fall; the world gets in the way
The darkness hounds me, I don’t know what to say

Even a person who has learned to wait, soften their heart, connect to God, and renew the tenderness to the Gospel and to Jesus Christ, will not cease facing adversity. In the second verse, Jessica talks of failure, distraction, disappointment, and spiritual warfare assaulting her spirit and spiritual life and connection. Though our heart may be tender to God, outside forces are now of a concern. Should we fear? Should we doubt our victory? Should we defend our ground? Should we worry that the world and evil spiritual forces are unrelenting and we have little hope at peace? Are we to constantly fight an uphill battle, a war that is never won and never over? What can we say against such forces?

NO! Our hearts in the spirit of the Lord are unassailable. Victory is already ours. We can go on the offensive and crush the enemy beneath our heel. We must remember:

The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My [Jesus] purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. John 10:10

So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil [with your hearts], and he will flee from you. James 4:7

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Ephesians 6:10-18

You speak to my heart, you know my every way
Your still small voice is calling out to me

Sometimes we need to remember our own strength in and from God. God and the Holy Spirit can speak to our hearts and remind us of the truth of who we are and the spiritual strength we have to act out of our heavenly righteousness.

I’m living for…, I’m fighting for…, I’m crying for…, I’m dying for…

So, with all this being said, what are we living for? Jesus.

If we find ourselves dying and fighting for anything else other than God’s love and to see God’s love present in our life, our relationships, and our world, we will become disillusioned by our own carnality and aggression as we live out of striving and anger.

So remember, what would I be without you? What would we all be without you?
Smile, because we don’t have to be anything apart from God, for those who love him and stay close to Him. He is our first love. Continue to renew that and our life’s path will be made straight in abundant love!

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